Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Just one of those days...

So, I know I haven't posted in a while, and I'm way over due for pictures and fun family stories and all of that, but this is not going to be one of those posts. Sorry. I just sort of need to vent my thoughts into space at the moment.

I had one of those crazy days yesterday. I cleaned the house, kept up with the kids, made dinner etc. nothing unusual, but I was feeling very short tempered and emotional and overwhelmed all day. I couldn't figure out why I felt so overwhelmed because I was fairly on top of things, nothing major waiting to be done or anything, but I just couldn't shake the feeling. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn't really the tasks so much as just everything I am trying to be. Sometimes I just can't fathom how to be a good housekeeper, a good wife, a good mother, and a good Diane all at the same time, you know what I mean? I'm sure I brought a lot of this on myself with too many new years resolutions. I really need to stop doing that to myself. I need one thing at a time to work on or I just feel like I'm suffocating under my own pressure. It really is all me. My husband doesn't expect anything more from me, my kids are amazingly loving and forgiving of their very flawed mother, but I can't help but expect more of myself, because I know I can be better, but I just can't do it all at once...even though I wish I could. Maybe this doesn't make any sense and I'm just rambling, but its just what I've been thinking about.

How do you all find balance? How do you do the mom stuff and the wife stuff all the time and still be the best you? Every once and a while I figure it out, but I always lose it again. I don't know...If this doesn't make any sense, just ignore it. haha.

I don't want you all to think that I'm unhappy. I'm really not! I love my life! My husband and kids and ward and family and everything are better than I could ask for. Its just the balance thing I'm working on at the moment. But I'll figure it out. Thanks for letting me talk it out. :)


Stacey said...

Sweet sweet Diane! You are SO NOT alone! I wanted you to know that.

When New Years comes around I make a list of the "important" things to do, and it gets endlessly long, and then I get frustrated with myself, and then I end up not accomplishing anything!

As you said, I think the point is to take it one thing at a time. Tyson and I made a family goal, and I have a personal goal...and until I get those two things under control and hardwired into me, I am letting everything else be.

If that means I am not as balanced as I want to be, as good of a mother and as happy of a person as I could be if I were amazingly organized and could do it all, at least I am not stressed that I can't be those things, no matter how hard I try.

Pick ONE thing for your goals, and until that is accomplished, don't sweat the small stuff!


Sharla said...

You are so normal! I have days when all that pressure gets to me. Lots of them. I try to remind myself that there are seasons to life. We are in a very consuming time with kids who are dependent on us and our time. I have so, so many things I want to do, talents I want to develop. But, with some of them, I know I need to put them on the back burner for now. There will be a season for those things too. But, my kids will never be little again. Hmmmm... I don't think that answers your question.
There are things that we do have to do NOW like you said. I'm trying to figure that out too. But, be nice to yourself. Don't expect perfection.
Really, it sounds like you writing this post was a reality check. Those are important to get that focus back. You're doing a great job.
PS... Here's a fun quote. Cleaning house while children are growing is like shoveling snow while it is snowing. Love it.

Unknown said...

I agree with doing one thing at a time. Also - I wish I could remember the article, but it was a conference talk or in the Ensign or something that talked about how our lives will never be perfectly balanced all at once. There is only so much time and space and at different times in our lives there will be different things that require precedence. Sometimes it will be you, sometimes it will be your family, or your calling or your work, etc etc. Realize that everything cannot fit into first place all at the same time and just do one thing at a time.
I love you!!!!

em said...

Give yourself kudos for getting all the things done you did. I am in the same boat, but I am trying EXTREMELY hard to focus on the few things I do accomplish each day rather than the billions that I don't.

Amber Miskin said...

Hey Di...you are not the only one, by any means! I can admit freely I am not very balanced. (I know, surprise huh?) During the day, if the place gets trashed, it stays trashed. I don't have the ability to take care of Caleb, Skyler, and my mom, and still manage to clean up. I'm pretty good at getting stuff done after the kids have gone to bed, but then Jon gets put on the back burner for a bit. It's really hard and I just trust that as I work at it, one day it will all fall into place!

Trenda said...

I hear ya! I think this is very typical for everyone, but especially for people who have children and a spouse to worry about and take care of, plus themselves! If it makes you feel any better, you come across as being very put together to me, and your house always looks nice and cleaner than mine! :)

Emily said...

I feel that way a lot. Seriously, a LOT. But you know what helped? My girls trip last weekend. We just went to LA and did whatever we wanted for FIVE DAYS and I have never felt so refreshed. I came home, excited to see my kids, excited to exercise and cook dinner and do laundry, happy to spend time with my husband. I know I've only been back for two days but the feeling is still there. Sometimes I think some time away REALLY helps.

Nicole said...

Such a great post! You are so cute. I too have had days like that. They come and go. I set one goal at a time as well and work towards that. Then there are some days I just let everything (except for feeding & changing the kids) go for the day and just do what I want to do (which could be playing with kids, sewing project, reading, etc). Sometimes I need those days just to re-group & de-stress, which may sound funny. Baby steps & line upon line, that is how we will get to where we want to be. Though I think you are very put together and have such happy kids,happy husband, happy you and a very kept home.