Most people don't blog about this sort of thing, but I need to talk about it, so I will. I just had a miscarriage. The baby I've been longing for for quite some time decided it was not time to make an appearance yet. I'm devastated.
I started bleeding last week, that's why my mom was here to help me, I stayed off my feet and took it super easy, but it was too late. The doctor thinks the baby didn't grow for long and it took until last week for my body to get rid of it. But, I had stopped bleeding several days ago and was feeling like I still had some morning sickness, so I got my hopes up that all was well. It wasn't.
I had this cute blog all planned to announce my pregnancy. Pictures of the pregnancy test and everything. The plans for the nursery and Beth's room were already under way. My lists of baby names are extensive. And most of all, I just felt a lot of love already for the tiny being inside me. I'm so sad.
I know Heavenly Father has a plan for our family and that everything will workout the way its supposed to, but its still hard. I know millions of people have survived it before, and I will too, but it still stinks. I just feel like I've been waiting for a long time for this baby already, and now the wait continues. And now, of course, I have fear that this could happen again, but I know I can't worry about it, but that's easier said than done.
Thanks again to everyone who has reached out with help and love and encouragement. I don't know how I would do this without my wonderful support system. I apologize in advance for my lack of being productive and helpful at all this week, and for all the crying you will probably see me do. Its how I cope.