Monday, June 15, 2009

Zoo Trip and a little Wallowing.

A couple weeks ago, we went with all of Beth's joy school friends and parents to the zoo for our final joy school of the year. It was tons of fun. My particular favorite was the bird show, but James was totally obsessed with the elephants, and Beth just seemed to enjoy taking it all in, and being our map reader. Haha.

A few days later we went with more friends to the Thanksgiving Point farm country. The kids loved that too. Beth rode a pony and everything, she was so excited by it! I have pictures, but I left my camera at my friends house so all the latest pictures are trapped inside. I'll have to share more later.

On a side note, sorry about all the blog slacking. I've been feeling kind of overwhelmed by life. And when that happens, I have the tendency to want to curl up in a ball somewhere and avoid everything, but since that would not be my wisest decision, here I am.

I don't know why I have such issues with getting overwhelmed, but I really do. Whenever there is too much going on in my head, or too many things I feel like I need to work on, I can't seem to just break off a manageable bite, I have to try and swallow it whole and it makes me insane. Why is that? Then, when I'm completely overwhelmed I end up doing nothing and feel like a total failure. It really isn't a great cycle. I just haven't figured out how to break it yet. I'm sure its something we all deal with from time to time, and I think I've even talked about some of this before on the blog, but I cope better when I can just send my thoughts out into the void, so bear with me. How do you balance being a good mom, a good wife, a good housekeeper, a good spiritual being, a good human being, etc. etc. etc., all at once? How do you find ways to find time for yourself to get some balance while still interacting with your kids, and at least having enough clean clothes to wear and dishes to eat off of? Every time I feel like I'm doing a little better in one area, I realize that some other part of my life has completely fallen apart in the process. I just can't seem to balance all the plates all the time. I know I don't have to be perfect, thank heavens, cause that would be impossible, but just getting by in each area would be nice! The last couple of weeks I've just felt like I am about to fall apart at any moment. I hold it together, my kids still seem to like me, although we've watched more movies lately than is probably healthy. But I just hate feeling like I'm losing control of everything.

I know in reality its not that bad, I know my blessings are innumerable. I have felt completely surrounded by love lately. I suddenly have friends coming out of the woodwork and people reaching out to me that I never expected, and for that I am truly grateful. My kids are great, sure, they are 2 and 3 and we have plenty of moments, but in general I am very lucky in that area. My husband is just the best thing ever. When I was having a particularly hard day this last week he randomly bought me a dozen of the most beautiful purple roses to cheer me up, he's so good at that. Then he takes care of the yard and cleans the kitchen and makes cookies, I mean, how much luckier can I get? I'm so lucky to live in my neighborhood, in my beautiful house, to belong to the choir I sing in that gives me an amazing spiritual perspective every time I attend, to be surrounded by family that loves me unconditionally, no matter how many things I fail at. Life really is good. I'm just having one of those very human moments. Anyway, sorry for all the deep wallowing, I just needed to say it. :) Love you all!


Amber Miskin said...

Sometimes it's better to just get it out-it makes a world of difference! Hang in there...I'm sure we'll all get the hang of it one day! There are days I feel the same way, so I get you. Purple roses huh? I hope you took a picture because they are probably so beautiful!

Brynnly and Alan said...

Glad to know I'm not the only one who has those moments. It's so normal to feel that way from time to time. Satan is so good at making us feel as though we aren't good enough. Don't fall for it! You are wonderful! I love ya and am grateful to be neighbors with you!

Rob & Tiffanie said...

My mind goes crazy if I don't write everything down. I have a little magnetic board on the fridge with everything that needs to get done. Each day I go through the list and mark with my red marker what is a priority for that day. If I make it through those than I can see what else is up there. I have about 20 things on there that long ot be erased off, but they usually don't make it to the top. I also have a list of things that stay up like VT, temple, bathtime, dinner, vac, laundry--then they get a red mark when that day comes up again. I love the feeling of checking off something on my list:) Other days it is lunchtime and the kids are barely finishing their baths and I haven't even looked at the list. It sounds like you have the choir and running to give you some away time. I try to get away and walk the dog or read a book when the kids are in bed or during their rest time in the afternoon. It is hard though, do I take this time to relax or do I take the time to clean up and make dinner? I have to limit this computer time as well:)Eevryone gets frustrated at thier jobs, and motherhood is just the same. I would love to say I am in bliss everyday as a mother, but I don't think that is possible:)

Fiddlefish said...

You are doing great -- you realized you CAN'T do it all. That is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself. If only you could see my laundry room right now.

jennybrum said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who never seems to have time for anything. Don't worry, when they are all grown, your kids will never remember if your house was clean or not, they will only remember that there was love and fun in your family. And you can always drop them off to play at my house for a few hours if you need to get something done. I'm holding off on my housecleaning until Kyanna goes to school and I can hire a maid! :)

Carrie said...

There must have been something in the air. I had a dark cloud over my head for the past few weeks and finally snapped out of it last weekend. I would love to take your kids if you need a break sometime!!!! Seriously, I don't offer that to just anyone!!!!!!!